What the hell do you do with 48 Creme Eggs?

‘We choose to buy 48 Creme Eggs in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard’ – JFK.

Now, firstly, it’s a CREME-PRONOUNCED-CREAM-EGG. Let’s not even get onto that controversy.

So, on Facebook I follow a deal group because who doesn’t love cheap stuff? It said that on Amazon there was a deal- 48 Creme Eggs for £15.00. Normally I would ignore deals like this but it got me curious- what eggsactly (see what I did there?) could you make with 48 Creme Eggs?

So, I did what any millennial would do and asked the internet, yes the very same people responsible for Boaty McBoatface and the flat earth theory, and I shall be testing and documenting the responses and results.

Suggestion one- the Creme Egg Toastie

  • White bread slices (2)
  • Butter
  • A cream egg sliced in half
  • A toastie machine, obvs


I’m not going to teach your grandmother to suck eggs, you make a toastie with the above mentioned ingredients.

It smells REVOLTING whilst it toasts, like burnt chocolate, and because of the fondant it does not toast well and is still flabby and white after the first round of toasting, so it endured two rounds.


Absolutely gross. To get the bread to toast properly the chocolate had to burn slightly, and the fondant turned into some form of tooth adhesive. It was sickly sweet, think fried mars bar but even less classy.




Toffee Apples




It’s Autumn and in the shops are the sickly-sweet red toffee apples. A sticky, cellophane-wrapped Bonfire Night treat for many, but retailing often north of £1.00 a piece, are they worth it?

This simple, fast, recipe makes the perfect toffee apples, for about £0.25p a piece using mainly store cupboard ingredients.

Sadly, I cannot offer an answer as to how the ones from the shop or carnivals are red, one assumes food colouring but to be honest that doesn’t add much.

Although not healthy by any stretch of the imagination, these are vegetarian, vegan, gluten and nut free. They would make nice presents wrapped in cellophane and ribbon and last up to four days.


  • 400g golden caster sugar
  • 100ml cold water
  • 4 tablespoons golden syrup
  • 6-8 Granny Smith or Russett apples
  • tiny bit of apple cider vinegar (less than a teaspoon)
  • Lollipop sticks



  1.  Place a heavy-bottomed pan on a medium heat, add the sugar and water and stir occasionally- this will take about 7/8 minutes.
  2. Whilst the sugar and water is cooking, blanch the apples in water from the kettle. When the waxy coating on the apple appears to have gone remove them from the water, twist out the stalk and put a lollipop stick in the stalk end of each apple
  3. Stir in the vinegar and golden syrup to the sugar mixture in the pan.
  4. Leave to thicken, stirring occasionally.
  5. Carefully pour the toffee over the apples and place them on greaseproof paper that is also slightly oiled to set.

If lollipop sticks are an issue, the caramel mixture can be added to chopped apples to make a nice base for an apple pie.  Another tasty trick is coating peeled bananas in toffee and allowing them to set as the base for a retro but non-traditional banana split.


Kylie Cosmetics Koko Kollection review

After some scepticism about the cost including imports tax and postage, I finally bit the bullet. I’m not a Kardashian/Jenner devotee, and as such purely bought this because I had seen Kylie Jenner’s lipsticks being regarded highly in reviews.

Let’s discuss the price point first- A lip kit, single, posted to be would have worked out at nearly £40, so it was a better option to get the entire Koko Kollection for which I paid £55. The collection does not come with lip liners, but I own plenty of lip liners in similar shades anyway so I do not feel overly hard done by.

First impressions:

After steeling myself for the price tag, I was surprised at how quickly it came. It was well packed and not damaged. The box that houses the collection is pretty and sparkly (can’t complain) and displays the products nicely.


The shades are called Bunny, Baby Girl, Doll and Sugar Plum.  Sugar Plum is a gloss and the rest are matte.


The formula seems to be good; the matte lipsticks aren’t too drying (obviously apply a lip balm underneath) and the gloss isn’t too sticky.


I did an experiment and swatched all four shades on my hand before bed. When I woke up none of the matte colours had smudged or budged. Understandably, the gloss had been wiped away. I had a bath in the morning and despite scrubbing my hand the swatches would not budge- I had to scrub again with make-up remover to get rid of them. These are VERY long lasting and transfer-proof lipsticks.



These are very good lipsticks, but the availability is low as there is no official UK stockist. I would pay good money for them, but I think when the postage and taxes are added they are a little too pricey and hard to obtain. There are plenty of easily available lipsticks in the UK that do as good a job for the fraction of the price- such as the Morphe liquid lipsticks.

I think it was worth getting one collection, perhaps just so I could try them and admire their beauty. I don’t think I will be adding more Kylie lipsticks to my collection until they come to the UK, if they indeed are at all.

8/10. Would be a ten if they were easier to obtain and more cost effective.

Making blackcurrant cordial/ Picking your own fruit

It’s typically British to see an overcast, slightly rainy day and yearn to go outside. I am lucky in that where I live I am nestled between the Home Counties’ finest coastline and countryside, each no more than ten minutes from my house.

I had seen a recipe for making your own version of Ribena, a rich blackcurrant cordial and decided that I fancied giving it a bash.  I went and picked my own fruit at Roundstone Pick Your Own (https://www.roundstonefarm.co.uk/) as this is where I used to enjoy going so much as a child, it’s nostalgic, cheap, and beautiful with acre upon acre of crops. If you are not able to walk far there is a tractor that drops you off in each field should you require it- meaning that people of all ages and abilities can enjoy picking their own food.

It must be said there is something enormously cathartic about picking your own fruit- it is gratifyingly hard and enormously satisfying, and I suspect, fresher than the supermarkets’ offerings, although perhaps ever so slightly more pricey.


  • 500g Blackcurrants
  • 200g White sugar
  • The juice of half a lemon


Whack all of the ingredients in a heavy-based saucepan over a medium heat and leave until there is ample juice and the fruit squishes. This should take approximately ten minutes. After this sieve, and put the fluid aside to cool in a sterilised bottle. For a bonus, you can make a crumble with the leftover fruity mush- I just added apple to make it sweeter.

Video because I don’t take myself seriously.

Blue Whale Challenge is ‘cleansing society’

I have previously written about the Blue Whale Challenge and you can find the original post further down this blog. This is an update post.

Twenty-one-year-old Philipp Budeikin is remanded in custody in Russia pending trial about his founding of sick social media craze ‘The Blue Whale Challenge’. This ‘competition’ sees participants complete forty-nine days of self-harming (ranging from watching execution videos to cutting themselves) which are all sent to an online ‘curator’ to prove that they did it. The fiftieth day of the game encourages the participant to ‘jump from a high building, killing yourself’ although other methods of suicide are allowed. The game began in 2013 but has only been common knowledge since 2016 after a spate of suicides in Russia were linked to it.

Budeikin is to go on to be sentenced for inciting numerous teenagers across Russia to take their own lives by means of competing in this craze. He has confessed to concocting this game and said ‘ There are people – and there is biological waste. Those who do not represent any value for society. Who cause or will cause only harm to society. I was cleaning our society of such people’, referring to the children who have sadly died.

The game is not one a youth of a ‘normal’ constitution would play except for perhaps in a peer pressure context. It would appear to have been thought out to encourage those already struggling with depression and other mental health issues. The participants of the game seem to be generally teens who complain online of loneliness, isolation, and a lack of love from their families. It would seem Budeikin targeted said youngsters to be caught up in his craze, and knew his audience. In essence, it is giving those who may perhaps have felt low but not had the ‘courage’ to harm themselves or take their life a negative sort of support in order to encourage such behaviour. Budeikin stated that his Blue Whale Curators were not destructive, and rather were making the children ‘die happy’ after giving them the ‘warmth, understanding, and connections’ that they lacked in their real lives. Anton Breido, from the Investigative Committee has conceded that Budeikin ‘very clearly knew what he had to do’ to get the following that he so wanted and further his aims.

After humble beginnings in the deep dark corners of the internet four years ago, Budeikin has had the chance to make his game even more devious, and work out how to market it. At first, the game included killing animals and participants cutting through their own veins. The game as it presently is mixes up psychedelic and horror videos with varying degrees of self-mutilation until the participants end their life to ‘win’. His ‘curators’ target depressed and vulnerable teenagers on social media sites such as VK, Twitter, and Instagram. The ‘curators’ carefully pick easily manipulated victims and know how to spot these online.

Despite his wicked actions he is being inundated with letters from lovelorn teenagers sent to Kresty Prison, St Petersburg for his attention. In some circles, he has reached cult-like levels of veneration previously seen by the likes of Charles Manson. Young girls especially have claimed in the post that they love him. As a policy, Russian prisons allow these letters to reach Budeikin and cannot prevent his receiving of them so long as they do not contain any prohibited items.

Philipp Budeikin in court_1_Vkontakte_east2west.jpg

Budeikin, picture credit: Vkontakte/east 2 west


Sussex Police E-Fit Woes

Sussex Police have caused much confusion and amusement with the release of this e-fit. Instead of being a sim-esque caricature of Prince, or the latest member of the Village People, the (badly) pictured man in a dapper neckscarf is wanted on suspicion of grabbing and dragging a 13 year old girl in a cemetery near Brighton at 08:10 on April 26th 2017. She managed to break free and was unharmed.

Anyone with information on this jazzy suspect is urged to call the police non-emergency number 101.

Inside (HMP) Isis

Disclaimer: I visited HMP Isis lately and these are my findings. I have asked permission to publish this and it was granted.

HMP Isis is a relatively new Category C male prison opened in 2010 in Woolwich. Formerly a Young Offenders Institute it now takes prisoners between the ages of 18 and 40, with this set to increase slowly over the following years as the increased age has helped to reduce the number of gangs in situ from approximately 80 to approximately 40. Care is taken to keep gang members apart and Trident play an active role in getting prisoners to shun gangs altogether.

There are still provisions for young offenders; prisoners do not join the ‘adult’ populous until they are 21 years and an amount of days old. Until then they are kept separately.

The Prison has two ‘houses’ Thames and Meridian. One houses the younger offenders, and the other everyone else. Despite it being a newer prison, in style it is similar to Pentonville, with the high hexagonal ceilings and ‘spurs’ coming off making up cell block wings. There is a capacity of around 600 inmates.

The Prison has basic medical facilities but no on-site hospital. For medical treatment prisoners go elsewhere.

HMP Isis only takes sentenced prisoners as it is not a remand or ‘holding’ prison. Prisoners must have an under ten year sentence, but most likely they are there for under six years. Technically, someone can end up in Isis for any offence, as they may serve the tail end of their sentence there for a serious crime or be sent there for less serious offences. Although sex offenders can be sent to this prison, it is not common because they do not run an SOP programme.

As the prison is on the grounds of HMP Belmarsh and Woolwich Crown Court it is more secure than perhaps the average Category C Prison, and has had no escapes and no instances of drone use to drop off prohibited items to inmates.

As with any prison there is an underground currency of drug smuggling and dealing. Every care is taken to search incoming prisoners. Facilities include drug searches, testing, dogs, and a special chair that can detect electrical devices concealed within the person. As most prisoners have come from holding prisons, it is also hoped they were searched thoroughly before being transported. Staff are also searched to make sure that the risk of ‘bent prison officers’ is minimal. The popularity of ‘spice’ has presented problems in that it is not picked up by traditional drug testing methods. Drug dogs can now smell spice but previously it was being sent in on books and envelopes in spray form. The prisoner could then lick, or run a lighter along and sniff the adhesive on the envelope or book pages. HMP Isis is still a smoking prison, but this is likely to change.

The Prison operates with a ratio of 24 prisoners to one member of staff. This is lower than prisons such as Wandsworth, ideally they would like to have more staff. This is not allowed due to prison reforms and cutbacks as it cannot be ‘justified’ enough to secure the extra funding. The prisoners and staff have a good and respectful relationship.

Because Isis is a ‘working prison’ there is a high focus on rehabilitation and reform of prisoners, who can book classes and library visits through the biometric machines in the cell wings. Being a ‘working prison’, inmates have to do courses in Maths and English if they do not already hold qualifications. These are delivered in small classroom-style lessons. These basic skills can be delivered alongside a skill such as woodwork or catering.

Fred Sirieix of First Dates fame comes in and trains a select few inmates to run a silver-service pop up restaurant for the prison staff. Other catering companies do similar and may even promise inmates jobs when they are released.

The Prison offers careers fairs, allowing inmates to seek guidance about options to take on their release. This also acts as a motivator to learn more, behave, and get out as quick as possible. Timpsons, the high street store, has a fantastic record of offering jobs to ex convicts and guarantees them an interview upon release if they are up to the required threshold.

Prisoners can also work whilst inside, earning £9 a week for various catering and cleaning jobs. There are two ‘shifts’ of workers, one 9am until lunch time, and the other after lunch time until 4pm. They are free to spend their money via their biometrics machine on cigarettes, toiletries, and phone credit. Interestingly, a packet of cigarettes via the biometric ordering system is £12, so there can sometimes be debts owed to other prisoners because of a trade in this.

There is also some mild discontent that with wages so low, only prisoners whose families send them in money through their prison account, can afford luxuries such as smoking.

As to be expected visits are very important to prisoners, and are used as leverage for poor behaviour. At Isis there are three categories of prisoner: basic (gets one visit per month), normal (gets three visits per month) and enhanced (gets four visits per month). Each visit allows a maximum of three adults and three children at a time. There are facilities for child visitors to make the visit pleasant for them, as it is important for the inmate and the child to share happy memories and strengthen their bond, with the hope this will make the inmate less likely to reoffend.

There are some instances of criminal damage within the prison and one cell in the segregation wing has been out of action for over six months. The police are not very interested in this damage. Most things are dealt with inside the prison unless someone is severely hurt in which case it will go to court. Until recently spitting was not an offence, but now inmates who spit at prison officers may find themselves in court charged with assault.

Blue Whale Game

Thought to originate in Russia, the ‘Blue Whale’ game is a ‘competition’ amongst teenagers to self harm over a period of 50 days. This becomes more serious until a person ‘wins’ the game by eventually killing themselves as per instructions given to them via the administrator of a social media account on VK, Twitter, or Instagram.

Competitors are encouraged to watch horror films, wake at 04:20 in the morning, and carve a whale and certain codes onto their limbs with a sharp implement, making sure to submit proof to the so-called ‘curators’. They are warned they cannot back out of this process once it has started, often with threats to harm their family or spread rumours about them.

It is thought that ‘Blue Whale’ has already claimed the life of 130 Russian teenagers between November 2015 and April 2016, the most recent being 16-year-old Veronika Volkova who jumped to her death on Sunday.

Philipp Budeikin, 21, from Russia has been charged with ‘promoting suicide’ by starting eight ‘Blue Whale’ social media accounts. The trial continues.

So far there is no hard evidence that this game has reached the UK, but schools and the police have warned parents to look out for signs that their children are partaking in this devastating competition and monitor their social media accounts accordingly. 

Translated from Russian, the ‘game’ instructions are as follows:

1. Carve with a razor “f57” on your hand, send a photo to the curator.

2. Wake up at 4.20 a.m. and watch psychedelic and scary videos that curator sends you.

3. Cut your arm with a razor along your veins, but not too deep, only 3 cuts, send a photo to the curator.

4. Draw a whale on a sheet of paper, send a photo to curator.

5. If you are ready to “become a whale”, carve “YES” on your leg. If not, cut yourself many times (punish yourself).

6. Task with a cipher.

7. Carve “f40” on your hand, send a photo to curator.

8. Type “#i_am_whale” in your VKontakte status.

9. You have to overcome your fear.

10. Wake up at 4:20 a.m. and go to a roof (the higher the better)

11. Carve a whale on your hand with a razor, send a photo to curator.

12. Watch psychedelic and horror videos all day.

13. Listen to music that “they” (curators) send you.

14. Cut your lip.

15. Poke your hand with a needle many times

16. Do something painful to yourself, make yourself sick.

17. Go to the highest roof you can find, stand on the edge for some time.

18. Go to a bridge, stand on the edge.

19. Climb up a crane or at least try to do it

20. The curator checks if you are trustworthy.

21. Have a talk “with a whale” (with another player like you or with a curator) in Skype.

22. Go to a roof and sit on the edge with your legs dangling.

23. Another task with a cipher.

24. Secret task.

25. Have a meeting with a “whale.”

26. The curator tells you the date of your death and you have to accept it.

27. Wake up at 4:20 a.m. and go to rails (visit any railroad that you can find).

28. Don’t talk to anyone all day.

29. Make a vow that “you’re a whale.”

30-49. Everyday you wake up at 4:20am, watch horror videos, listen to music that “they” send you, make 1 cut on your body per day, talk “to a whale.”

50. Jump off a high building. Take your life.

An example of what to look out for, taken from the Twitter of a 15 year old American boy.

Chocolate Mousse


Firstly, sorry for the hiatus, I’ve been busy with exams and very, very boring stuff.


I was going to write an introduction but who doesn’t like chocolate mousse?




  • 200g dark chocolate
  • 100g milk chocolate
  • a capful of coconut rum (Jack Daniels works well tool, or any other whisky – ditto amaretto)
  • 8 eggs
  • 100g caster sugar
  • 300ml double cream
  • a pinch o’ cocoa powder
  • whatever fruit you wish (or freeze a chilli and bash it up over the top if you’re feeling hard)


  • Break up the chocolate and put in a bowl above a simmering pan of water, stir occasionally until it is melted. Don’t burn it.
  • Whisk the living hell out of the cream… Had a bad day at work? the cream is the person who annoyed you. You want it to look like whipped cream.
  • Separate the white and yolks of your eggs. Keep both.
  • Whisk the eggs whites until you get soft peaks. For stiffer peaks, add a tiny bit of salt
  • Mix the yolks and sugar together (your wrists will probably hurt now, if you don’t have an electric whisk) Oh, and there’s quite a bit of washing up due to multiple bowls.
  • Fold everything together and refrigerate or freeze depending on how solid you’d like it. In the fridge it takes about two hours.
  • Garnish however you like.


Now, relax, and leave the washing up for someone else… You made dessert, after all…

Graduation Sponge

I call this recipe ‘Graduation Sponge’ for no reason other than it is the cake I made for my housemates and myself to celebrate with upon our graduation. I can confirm it goes well with champagne, that way.

It’s light and summery- essentially a classic Victoria Sponge with a couple of extras to taste. It’s so simple that even a largely bumbling baker such as myself could do it, and is perfect for a summer pudding or the much-needed sugar fix during an afternoon lull in the office.

It is rustic and wholesome, certainly not a piece of fine patisserie, but a nice accompaniment to the dessert table nonetheless.

Perhaps went a bit mad with the filling!

Perhaps went a bit mad with the filling!



  • Four average-sized eggs
  • 300g butter (softened, but not melted)
  • 300g caster sugar
  • 300g self-raising flour
  • 1tsp baking powder
  • 2tbsp milk, or one if using evaporated milk/milk powder
  • vanilla (ground- Dr Oetker do a nice vanilla grinder- or use two drops of essence)
  • desiccated coconut- half a flat teaspoon
  • flaked almonds- one flat teaspoon


  • 200g butter (softened)
  • 240g sifted icing sugar
  • vanilla (a drop of extract, or a scrape of a pod)
  • 400g strawberry jam (I will include the recipe to make it, or just use a shop-bought jar)
  • Extra icing sugar to sprinkle or make a fine icing with.



  • 500g of strawberries, hulled and sliced
  • 400g or granulated, or jam, sugar
  • two tablespoons balsamic vinegar
  • a sprig of thyme

I know adding balsamic vinegar makes this sound more like a salad dressing than a jam fit for a cake but trust me, it’s still very sweet! If you’ve never tried a strawberry lightly dipped in balsamic vinegar I highly recommend it!

  1. Use a thick-bottomed saucepan that can take some heat. The jam mixture gets ridiculously hot and you essentially have a pan of lava.  Put the saucepan over a medium heat and add the sugar and vinegar. Wait for the sugar to dissolve- you should see a slow rolling boil as it thickens like a caramel. Watch it carefully as it can turn into a burnt disaster quickly, but there shouldn’t be a need to stir it.
  2. Add the strawberries and thyme. Bring to the boil and then reduce to a simmer. This mixture should be left to cook for about 18 minutes, but could take more or less time. You’re after it becoming thick and glossy. Before it sets, remove the thyme sprig.

Allow the jam to cool, or strain it if you want a less chunky jam. Transfer to hot sterilised jars and seal. Kilner jars are ideal. The jam should keep for two weeks.

Sponge recipe

  1. Heat the oven to 180c fan, spray cake release spray on two sandwich tins (preferably 20cm ones), and beat all of the cake ingredients together.
  2. Divide the mixture in half, and add to each of the tins, making sure they’re even and smooth. Bake for around 20 minutes until golden and springy.
  3. Whilst the sponge is cooling, beat the butter and sifted icing sugar together until butter cream forms.
  4. Assemble the cake, when cool, by layering the butter cream and jam
  5. Ice if you like, decorate however,  and enjoy it with tea or champagne